0 CommentsLife was all planned out. Early retirement, then leisurely pursuits. But the plans of several local men of a certain mature age underwent a few modifications – thanks to the pitter patter of tiny feet.
“Yes, if things had worked out differently, I would have liked to have children earlier, but I am so glad I finally got started,” says Anthony Chavez, a corporate lawyer who became a dad a year ago at the age of 53.
Life brought some changes for fifty-something Anthony Chavez when he became a father to baby Samantha. (Photo: www.hartphoto.com)
Anthony and Terry Leavitt-Chavez married when he was 45, and nine years later, they adopted Samantha. “We brought her home when she was 2 days old. I am not going to say it wasn’t an adjustment. The sleep deprivation, trying to balance work and be a parent, but being a parent changes you in ways you can’t anticipate. It makes you a more compassionate person,” he says.
Anthony jokes about the physical demands. “My friend who’s also an older dad and I say we are going to need to work on yoga for the joints.”
Anthony also is adjusting to being away from his “little princess” when on business trips. “Terry uses her iPhone to show me what Samantha’s doing every day that I am gone,” he says.
Another resident, John Yow, became a daddy at age 50 when he and wife Linda Goehrs became the parents of identical twins. Both are lawyers, and they say becoming parents and maintaining law practices was challenging, but not necessarily because of their age.
“Having 9-year-old girls in my late fifties is keeping me young. I feel like I am 35,” he says. Instead of coming home from work to watch TV, he is outside playing basketball with Catherine and Elizabeth.
John says he went stir crazy staying home when the twins were younger, so he took the baby monitor into the garage when they napped and used the time to build a 17-foot boat. As Catherine and Elizabeth got older, they helped with the boat.
“I let them name it,” he said, “and they christened it Mr. Boat. Eventually, the three of us took it out to sail and camped on it.”
John Yow first entered fatherhood at age 50, when twin daughters Catherine and Elizabeth were born. (Photo: www.hartphoto.com)
Older fathers sometimes are faced with the reality of being identified as a grandparent. “The first time I went to the nursery to see the girls, they said, ‘Grandpa is here.’ It’s not the only time. It doesn’t bother me,” says John.
Tom Grass, who became a father at age 45, says he has heard the “grandfather” comment many times. “I button my lip and smile inside,” he says. “A child doesn’t see someone old. She just sees dad. “
Tom and partner Brian Kinney adopted a family member’s baby, Kirsten, when she was 8 months old. “I didn’t expect to do this at any age,” Tom admits, “but I don’t think anyone really grows up until they have kids.”
Tom, a realtor, says he’s run companies, but dealing with an infant was a challenge. “I’d never been inside a Wal-Mart until I had to buy diapers,” says Tom, who adds he was once critical of moms who looked disheveled while shopping until he became a parent. “I found myself noticing that I had forgotten to shave,” he says, laughing.
Tom knew he had truly entered fatherhood when, after Kirsten had been asleep close to an hour, he realized he’d continued to watch the rest of the Barney episode put on for her earlier.
Another local father, who prefers not to be named, sees advantages to being an older parent. “When I retire at 65, my kids will be in high school. I’ll have time to devote to them at a crucial time when studies show fathers of girls should be involved,” he says.
David Goldstein, a marketing consultant, became a father at age 47 when wife Janis gave birth to their son, Miles. Three years later, twin girls Bailey and Emery completed the family.
“Man plans and God laughs. We wanted a brother or sister for Miles. We got two,” says David. “Your universe is split between those saying, ‘Why? I’m just getting my kids out of the house,’ versus those who are saying, ‘It’s the most wonderful thing in the world. Go for it!’
“Janis and I had been married to other people before. When we met, we decided we wanted to have children. It was a conscious decision,” he says.
David says that while older dads may not dominate pediatricians’ waiting rooms, he notices them out there with him. And he’s glad he ignored the naysayers.
“I always wanted kids. It’s the greatest thing ever.”
